So before you continue reading this post, please keep in mind that this is my very personal experience of my own relationship during my pregnancy and by no means am I telling others what to do or not do. Only you know your relationship and your partner/hubby.
I have been with my partner for 2.5 years now and I have to admit that being pregnant has been the most amazing experience for us as a couple and has definitely brought us closer together. I have seen a side of my partner I have never seen before and I’m sure he has also seen a side of me that has come out since I have fallen pregnant.
One piece of advice that I have heard and have not forgotten until this day is the below:
“Do not forget your relationship. It is easy to be consumed by being pregnant and focusing on the baby but don’t forget that you and your partner came first and that without your relationship there would be no baby or family”
My parents got divorced when I was 3 years old and I have no real concept of what its like to be brought up with your mum and dad under the same roof. My partner’s parents on the other hand are still together, and he has no concept of what it would be like to not have his parents together.
As a result and because I would like my own child to be brought up with both his mum and dad together, I will do everything possible to work on this relationship regardless of the ups and downs that will come our way. And my partner also agrees with me which brings me to my first point
1. To always ensure me and my partner are on the same wavelength
I think its easy to lose track of each other’s expectations and hopes as life goes on, so its important to check in with each other and ensure you are both working towards the same goals and not focusing on separate paths.
Now when I found out I was pregnant, you hear so many stories about how pregnant women change because of hormonal changes and basically everything going on in your body, but you also hear how much men end up receiving the brunt of the hormonal changes and having to deal with “bitchy, moody, frustrating, crazy” pregnant partners.
I was very conscious about this and didn’t want to ruin such an amazing experience for the both of us by being moody or irritable. At the end of the day, your partner will never completely understand what you are going through and whilst they may empathise, starting fights with them or being bitchy towards them does not help either you or him. This brings me to point number two:
2. When I don’t feel great and moody, take time out on my own and tell my partner “I’m just tired”
I have to admit that throughout my pregnancy, my partner has been a fantastic support to me and not once have I ever felt alone or not supported and at the same time, I think the harmony between us has been due to the fact that I didn’t overload him with all my thoughts and emotions.
Men don’t get the privilege to know what its like to carry a life inside of them, and their ability to process what is going on will be very different to what we are going through and to expect them to understand us completely is unrealistic and unfair.
For me, the fact that he is there when I cry for no reason and lets me know everything will be ok is enough for me.
You will get days where it all gets too much and you just need to cry and as long as your partner is there to support you and be there for you, then for me, it has helped me through those times more than he can imagine.
Just knowing I’m not going through this alone makes me relaxed and have such a peaceful pregnancy.
Now sex is another topic that every pregnant couple will go through and every experience will be different.
For me personally, the first trimester sex was a bit off and on as due to my morning sickness and tiredness, there were times where I couldn’t get the energy to want to and my partner during my pregnancy only let me instigate as he would never want to come across pushy in regards to sex while I’m pregnant.
When the second trimester came around, I was feeling great and our sex life went back on track. Then I started showing more and more and my partner started to feel uncomfortable about having sex with me.
At first I cried about it thinking he wasn’t attracted to me and my own insecurities started popping up but when I had a good talk with my partner about it, I came to understand where he was coming from.
I put myself in his position and having sex with a pregnant women is not exactly a hot fantasy that every man has. I know there are men out there who are attracted to pregnant women and that’s great but I also know there are men out there who see a pregnant women as going through an extraordinary time in their life and doesn’t necessarily see it as a sexual thing and therefore I can respect what my partner was feeling.
He sees me as going through something very miraculous and special in his eyes and its like he didn’t want to disturb the process or been seen to “sexualise” me during this time.
And again, every couple is different because many times it’s the women who do not want to have sex due to feeling unattractive or tired but for me, I was more than happy to continue with our sex life but after our chat and reassurance that my partner thinks I’m gorgeous and attractive, then I respected the way he felt and tried to put myself in his head space.
Regardless of the sex, I do feel like this pregnancy has brought me and my partner closer together more than any other experience we have been through together so far.
During the pregnancy, there will be decisions that need to be made and disagreements may come up, but remember that you are both working towards bringing a life into this world and that everything will sort itself out one way or another.
My own experience has been fantastic and I can only hope that you also have a harmonious experience with your other half during this time in your life. Always remember that these are moments and experiences you will never be able to re-create so look at the bigger picture and leave the petty arguments aside.